Trouble Hitting Life's Curveballs? Talk to the Manager of Your Brain: Executive Functioning

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why can’t I just get up on time? Why can’t I just finish my project? Why can’t I just stay organized?”

The feeling that you just can’t get it together isn’t about laziness or lack of willpower. More often than not, it’s about executive functioning, the brain’s ability to manage itself.

Executive functioning is like the manager on a baseball team. The players may have coordination, speed, and talent, but without the manager the team quickly falls apart. The manager has to incorporate scouting reports into defensive substitution decisions (working memory). They have to talk a batter down when a pitcher intentionally hits them (inhibitory control). They have to reorganize the bullpen when their ace is suddenly out for Tommy John surgery (cognitive flexibility). In the same way, executive functioning doesn’t provide the raw skills themselves, it organizes and directs them so they work toward common goals.

It's no exaggeration to say that understanding executive functioning is life-changing. It helps us see where we’re strong, where we struggle, and why “trying harder” doesn’t always solve the problem. More importantly, it opens up pathways to real fulfillment, purpose, and a sense of alignment with who we are.

The Science

Executive functioning is a set of mental skills that help us plan, focus attention, remember instructions, juggle multiple tasks, regulate behavior, and adapt to change. These skills are housed primarily in the prefrontal cortex, the “manager” of the brain. Executive functioning is made of three core building blocks. Working memory is the ability to hold and manipulate information in your mind. Inhibitory control is the ability to pause, resist impulses, and choose a more intentional response. Cognitive flexibility is the ability to shift perspective, adapt to change, and consider multiple options. From these three core skills grow higher-level abilities like problem solving, planning, organization, and self-regulation.

Why It Matters

Executive functioning isn’t about being a “good student” or a “productive worker” alone. It’s about how we navigate life itself. Strong executive functioning allows us to:

• Break big goals into manageable steps.

• Delay gratification to reach long-term goals.

• Stay organized in our commitments and relationships.

• Adapt when life throws curveballs

And importantly, it allows us to live with intention rather than by default. Without it, we may feel constantly overwhelmed, reactive, or “stuck.”

Individual Differences: Strengths and Challenges

Everyone has their own unique profile of executive functioning strengths and weaknesses. For example, consider two different students working on a project. One student may have strong working memory but weak impulse control. They can hold detailed plans in their head but struggle to resist immediate distractions. Their project may remain unfinished. Another student may have poor working memory but strong inhibitory control. They may forget details or lose track of steps but can stay steady and consistent. Their project may get finished but with pieces missing or not done correctly. Neither student is “good” or “bad”. They simply have different challenges and strengths. Understanding these differences allows people to stop blaming themselves and instead build tools that fit their brain.

Across the Lifespan

Executive functioning is not fixed. It changes throughout life, peaking at different times. In early childhood inhibitory control begins to develop. This is when toddlers learn to say “no”. During adolescence working memory and cognitive flexibility rapidly expand. However, research studies (and our own memories of being a teenager) point out that impulse control is limited during this developmental state. Most executive functioning skills peak during our 20s and 30s. Although working memory may begin to decline as we age, experience can often compensate. These shifts explain why a teenager may make questionable choices, why adults often juggle complex responsibilities best, and why older adults sometimes rely more on routines.

Stress, Trauma ... and Technology

Executive functioning doesn’t operate in a vacuum. It’s deeply affected by our environment and experiences. For example, chronic stress floods the brain with cortisol, impairing the prefrontal cortex. Under stress, we default to survival instincts rather than thoughtful planning. Traumatic experiences can fundamentally alter executive functioning. Survivors may have difficulty with self-regulation, attention, or flexibility, not because they’re weak, but because their nervous system is wired for protection. Constant notifications, endless scrolling, and dopamine “hits” from screens chip away at attention spans and impulse control. The more we live in reactive mode, the harder it becomes to engage our higher-level executive functions. Understanding these impacts can replace self-blame with compassion and a focus on healing.

Why Understanding It Is Essential

When people say, “I just need to try harder,” they often don’t realize they’re fighting against a bottleneck in executive functioning. These aren’t personality deficits. They’re signs that one or more executive skills need support. By identifying the bottleneck, whether it’s working memory, inhibitory control, or cognitive flexibility, we can build specific tools rather than relying on sheer willpower. For example, someone with weak working memory may benefit from lists, calendars, and reminders. Someone with poor inhibitory control may benefit from structured routines and accountability. Someone with limited cognitive flexibility may need practice with reframing and gentle exposure to change. This approach shifts the focus from “try harder” to “try differently.”

Beyond To-Do Lists: The Deeper Implications

Executive functioning is not just about checking boxes or being on time. It has profound implications for mental health, relationships, and success in the workplace. Struggles with executive functioning often lead to shame. People think, “What’s wrong with me?” Understanding executive functioning reframes the question to, “What supports do I need?” Forgetting commitments, being late, or struggling to regulate emotions can strain friendships, partnerships, and family life. Building executive skills strengthens reliability and trust. From meeting deadlines to collaborating with colleagues, executive functioning drives professional growth. Employers value not just technical skills but the ability to organize, adapt, and self-regulate.

When people understand and support their executive functioning, they reclaim energy that would otherwise be lost to frustration. They feel more capable, more aligned with their values, and more connected to their purpose.

At its core, executive functioning is about living purposefully. When the “manager” in our brain is supported, we can direct our energy toward what matters most. We can also build lives that reflect our true values and strengths. This isn’t about becoming a perfectly efficient machine. It’s about feeling fulfilled and having the clarity, energy, and confidence to pursue what matters most. By understanding executive functioning, we move from self-blame to self-awareness, from “trying harder” to “trying smarter,” and from frustration to fulfillment. Like a great baseball manager, we can lead ourselves and our lives toward purpose and meaning.

And as the great Yogi Berra said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up somewhere else.”

Learn more about Leah and Sage Behavioral Health by clicking here and scroll down to subscribe to monthly updates delivered to your inbox.

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